Loud Post-Caffeinated Thoughts. Here We GO…

you ever want to bleed everywhere? 

to  say “fuck you” 

or  just because you CAN?

Well, you’re not the only one.

beside the point:(Why do people keep saying I am an “adele quality star” ?

Why do people keep saying I remind them of Adele?

I can’t but help feel a little bit like a fatty when you say that because, you know, besides the vast category of white skinned brunet songwriters. i’m really not seeing/hearing the similarities):

The dream about the horse keeps replaying over and over in my mind.

I had it right before waking and I felt strongly that it held great meaning. It was the theme of my entire day. As far as I know: A Horse is my spirit animal (factual information) The only horse I ever road was a chestnut named Foxy when I was four. In rattling my brain for answers the first few groggy minutes of being awake I decided Foxy must have died recently, but the chances of that are slight. The death dream could have stemmed from my good childhood friend’s dog having died yesterday, but the symbolism felt strong and led me to this presumption,

The horse represents my spirit. Potentially the state and path of it. In which case, it’s suffering under pressure, confused, and stuck in what is comfortable, and well known, the same old stall in the barn. The doors are wide open and my dream self was trying to lead my horse to freedom, but the horse repeatedly kept banging it’s injured head on the wall over and over. 

I felt this all to be accurate today in the studio

to tired to keep on this rant.

Just got to say this.

There is ONE, ONLY ONE thing I support more than creative freedom, and it’s women’s rights. I feel so strongly about that statement it makes me want to bleed all over the fucking world. 

and today I found out the #1 rapper in Boston keeps asking about me in the studio, and my manager was talking about us collaborating so he showed me this short film made for one of his raps. 

He’s got amazing flow, he tells stories, it’s not about guns, money, and fuckin hos- AWESOME, but you know, at least those motherfuckers know the shit they’re talking about is fucked up. This guy’s story line goes like this well you know what, here’s the link- http://youtu.be/xW49WjM4UeM 

Amazing flow, right? I’d love to work with him. He has no idea what’s so awful about this. He thinks he’s “raising awareness for teen suicide” Unfortunately none of the men I was surrounded by in the studio really got what I was saying. At all… makes me want to bleed all over the fucking floor. Who is the victim in your story? who are you hurting the most by your story and your video? DING DING DING- DONG!  A whole town eats up this stereotype like candy because of the controversy that is caused for all the wrong reasons. Just another- BOY MEETS GIRL, BOY COULD COME IN AND SAVE HER LIFE, BUT SHE IS AN ALCOHOLIC WHORE, WHO HE CATCHES FUCKING IN PUBLIC, SO SHE CUTS HER WRISTS AND DIES. 

It’s not that it doesn’t happen. It’s not that it doesn’t need to be acknowledged. It should, indeed be. It’s that you’re causing more harm than good, and your head is so far up your ass because society told you you have some fucking golden star up there right under your golden ball sack that you went searching and cannot hear the tiny percent of the population trying to be loud for the masses of silenced females, and mislead boys and girls. I find myself the minority, as we all do at some point. I find myself beating my head against the wall of my stall wanting to bleed all over the floor just to say, “Fuck you”

And just because I CAN.

too lazy to get my journal. you get my sleepless flow of concious (c)

I wonder how many of my 365 nights have been sleepless

I wonder if it’s half

i’ve loved only a disguise of lies

over again? nevermore. the past is a laugh

.

weeped for a month and still, no closure

Another one ‘penised out’ for the books

I’ll always be a pussy cat darlin’

free beer? free bitch. God given lustrous looks 

.

Power and pride, take it up the wa-zoo

just the thought dries my little tears

baby never died , baby is still living

In a bubble of hope, free of all fears

.

Just wait until she gets here

I’ve been dreaming with intensity and intent

Maybe that’s why I’m never sleeping

magical plunders insomnia wonders, eyeballs broken and bent

.

FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS, BITCH

the future is comming faster than a train

The dreams you’ve conjuered are comming full speed ahead

into your burnt out brain

.

Cleanse, but not ‘til you’re brittle

get on the balance beam

stay there playing your fiddle

take one for the team.

.

hallucinating now, eyelids like pillows bloating with pollen irritation.

 I have some ducks: coffee,

                               ciggy,          

                     ritalin,

weed,

peanutbutter,    

          dell,

Those little shits dont ever get in a row.

hollah if ya hear me

, Lauren